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[Dec. 21st, 2009|05:49 pm] |
So, the last day of school was technically today, and I had four projects due last Friday. I have finished none of them. One is a website built using Word Press, one is a website using a database, one was creating a logo (based on two previously created logos) and writing up an explanation, and the last was creating packaging. One of these I was half done, another was two thirds done, and the other two I hadn't even started.
I'm so disappointed in myself. Like, extremely disappointed. My client's project isn't done either and I should have finished that a long time ago. He seems to be perfectly okay with it being a week late, but I need to mention how unprofessional that looks?
I sit down, I start working, and then I get distracted. Once I do start working, I can't remember what I learned in class and I have to refer to my notes over and over again from start to finish. Sometimes I get too picky, but sometimes it takes me hours to figure out what's wrong and how to fix it. That problem I had last Friday? I was something else entirely. I was completely off-base with what I thought was the problem and I lost at least 7 hours of work from that.
I'm just... well, I can't say upset, exactly. The trazadone and effexor seem to be numbing my feelings pretty well, but part of me wants to cry. It seems to take me so long to pick up on things that it's ridiculous. I'm sure my teachers think I'm one of those lazy students who skip class because I don't feel like going, but I skip because I'm either horribly depressed, sick, or catching up on homework. Which is not going to fly well because I haven't even been finishing homework.
I'm not worried about going on to the next semester, I'm just unhappy that I can't keep up. I like the web projects a lot and yet I still can't finish them. I started drawing something with my tablet a month or two ago and I'm not sure when I'll be able to finish that either. It's not even like I want to be doing something else more fun at the moment. It's just so fucking frustrating. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 19th, 2009|02:17 am] |
I read this post in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) parenting101 and I started to answer, but realised it was turning into something about me. If you're new, my parents divorced when I was a year old and my biological father gave my mother full custody. When I was nine, he supposedly called my mother to say he wanted to start a family, and they agreed to have my adoptive father (who I started calling dad when I was five anyway) adopt me. Bio-dad was never really a part of my life, and that's hard sometimes even now. So here's my two-cents from the kids' side, drawing from my experiences and others.
1. Do not lie to your kid about the situation. Tell off any relative who lies about their role or makes up events that never happened. Your kid has likely been brought up with the idea that parents will love you no matter what, and it's hard to understand why their mom or dad abandoned them. Lying is a lazy quick fix and for five minutes they'll feel better. Then there will a ton of follow-up questions because kids aren't stupid and they'll end up feeling worse.
2. Don't talk shit about the other parent. Don't insult your ex every time they ask questions. There might be tons of questions over the years and it just makes it that much harder to ask them if it means there's going to be a lot of unloading from you. You don't have to turn them into a saint, but keep that for your friends or your therapist.
3. Do not say things like "you didn't get that from me." Don't blame your ex for any illness or flaws your kid has. Your kid is probably wondering what they did wrong for their own parent to reject them, and you're just making them wonder if you're going to do the same thing. Bonus trauma points if you've remarried.
4. Don't tell your kid they're being selfish for being upset. You're supposed to be the adult and help them work this out. If being abandoned isn't something to be upset over, what is?
5. Don't forbid your kid from talking about the other parent, especially if it comes up only occasionally. For better or for worse, that parent is a part of their history and if they can't talk about it, it's going to turn into shame.
6. If you remarry and have more children, for the love of god, don't hide the fact that you were previously married from them, especially if you still deal with your ex's family. Trust me, it will come out one day.
7. Admit that you had some good times with your ex. Don't make it out that your relationship was shit from day one, unless it really was. Either way, tell your kid that they're the best thing that came out of that relationship.
8. I've said it already, but it bears repeating: Do not lie. Ever. It's okay to say "I don't know" if you don't. You don't have to go into details (obviously there are things in your life that you don't have to share with your child) but don't make anything up. It's hard not to lie about certain things and I'm sure there will be mistakes made, but your kid will appreciate the effort one day and they'll respect you for it. |
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| Time for a little self-pity! |
[Dec. 16th, 2009|06:05 pm] |
It's very strange seeing the kids I grew up with as adults. I've always been much older than the majority of my relatives, and I did a lot of babysitting. I recently saw photos of kids I used to babysit when they were under the age of ten and they seem to be confident, attractive adults. Even stranger is the fact that I've, eh, "been intimate" with adults who are the same age as they are now. I can't get over that I've kissed someone the same age as my older brother, who I used to rock to sleep and change diapers. Never before has six years seemed like such a huge gap.
( Cut for venting and self-pity )
It'd probably help if I just learned to accept and deal with things instead of constantly re-opening old wounds. I try to only think negatively and act positively. I did in fact finish that project that I thought was going to be a huge deal, but turned out to only take me about three hours. It wasn't perfect, but I'm going to get some sort of mark at least. |
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